


Calibratingmaster3769

by strawberrykitty509



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy, mass - Fandom
Genre: Advice, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Relationship Help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 14:10:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17664122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrykitty509/pseuds/strawberrykitty509
Summary: Garrus decided to get back to the forum that he has sadly been able to devote his time to since rejoining his woman. All the Turian men with human ladies, the master has returned.(Sequel to Calibrater’sgirl0821.)





	Calibratingmaster3769

**www.Turian-Human-relations-social group.com**

 

**_Friday 11:45 p.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769_ **

**_I have returned to the dead._ **

**_I apologize to those of you who wanted to ask me questions while I was on my little hiatus._ **

**_Duty calls after all._ **

**_Well, I'm back and my ask box is ready for any types of questions you have regarding your “soft squeeze”._ **

**_(human phrase, never refer to your woman as this unless she approves.)_ **

**_(Also, if I don't respond right away its cause I'm either working, in combat or spending time with my own girl.)_ **

 

* * *

 

_ Friday 11:50 p.m _

_ PrideofPalevan3927 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_ Good to have you back, Master. I hope things are going well on the war front for you, we all fight to ensure our future especially now that our homeworld burns. _

_ But let's not think of that, I actually wanted to ask you on how to handle a certain situation. _

_ My human girlfriend, the one you helped set me up with, and I are having a bit of a fight due to some disagreement. _

_ My love wants to meet my parents, but I they don't know that she exists. _

_ My folks are very traditional, they expected me to be an obedient soldier, live on Palevan, marry a turian girl from a good family and have two kids. _

_ Instead, their son moved to the Citadel, became a co-owner of a weapon store and fall in love with a squishy human woman. _

_ My folks might die where they stand if they found out that their only son was dating a human.  _

_ It's not like I’m ashamed of her or anything, if things were different I would have loved to introduce them. They would have loved her, she’s kind-hearted and caring you always see her doing something for the good of others. _

_ I don't want my folks to ruin what we have with their bigotry and judgment. _

_ Please help. _

 

**_Friday 11:55 p.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769 to PrideofPalevan3927_ **

**_Feels good to be back, and I think half the server knows what you're going through._ **

**_The Relay 314 Incident wasn't that long ago and many Turians and humans hold a deep grudge for what has happened. Though it is lightning up since Commander Shepard saved the Council during the Citadel attack._ **

**_Do you still keep in contact with your parents?_ **

_ Friday 11:59 p.m _

_ PrideofPalevan3927 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_ Yeah, mostly to check in. I’ve also been keeping in contact with them since the war started. They live on a colony so it's good to keep in touch in case bad stuff happens. _

 

**_Saturday 12:00 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769 to PrideofPalevan3927_ **

**_I think you should tell them, now is especially a good time. If they don't understand why you love this woman then do what you will. But if they really loved and cared for their only son, they would put aside their bigotry and at least give the girl a chance._ **

**_My father had a strong dislike for my girlfriend for a while, not only because she was human but her profession as well. But with everything that's happening and seeing how happy I was, he just grew on her._ **

**_She was like a fungus he couldn't get rid off._ **

 

_ Saturday 12:00 a.m _

_ PrideofPalevan3927 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_...Ok? I’ll think about giving them a call. Thanks again for the advice and welcome back to the forum. _

 

**_Saturday 12:01 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769 to PrideofPalevan3927_ **

**_Thank you and good luck._ **

 

* * *

 

_ Saturday 9:00 a.m _

_ LoserfortheSquish8742 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_ Hey! _

_ So listen my human bae, human slang for “Beyond Anyone Else, is very cute! She’s quite different compared to most humans that you meet on the Citadel. She’s extra squishy, though says to call her “thick”. _

_ The bumps on her chest are huge and her ass is so big and soft that when where fucking it ripples like the lakes back on our homeworld.  _

_ The problem is...is that she’s complaining about my talons and plates. _

_ At first, she didn't have a problem with them, but now that she’s pregnant with our little one her skin has become a little sensitive. Even the slightest prick from the tip makes her wince in pain. I tried wearing gloves, but not only are they not sexy but the material is uncomfortable on her bare skin. _

_ Got any tips? _

 

**_Saturday 9:25 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769 to LoserfortheSquish8742_ **

**_Thank you for that…”detailed” appreciation of your bondmates body and congratulations on your baby._ **

**_Have you tried using lotion for your plates? My woman got me hooked on this unscented one that's cheap but of good quality. I can send you a link if you want._ **

**_I would also recommend wrapping your talons in that clear wrapping that the engineers use when doing delicately detailed work, I forgot what its called._ **

**_My woman might remember her sister was the one that got it._ **

**_If that's uncomfortable for you than you might have to take extreme measures and file them. Though I would use that as a last resort since it's extremely painful._ **

**_Does that help?_ **

 

_ Saturday 9:26 a.m _

_ LoserfortheSquish8742 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_ Yeah, it helps, I know the wrapping your talking about and do send me the link to that lotion. _

_ Also, do you know any sex positions when dealing with human pregnancy? _

 

**_Saturday 9:29 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769_** **_to LoserfortheSquish8742_**

**_Sadly I do not and here:_ **

[ **_www.dextrosafelotions/turianbrands/page3/BIK88D9lop_ ** ](http://www.dextrosafelotions/turianbrands/page3/BIK88D9lop)

 

_ Saturday 9:29 a.m _

_ LoserfortheSquish8742 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_ Oh, well thanks again for the advice. Good luck to you on the battlefront, kill a reaper for my family and future child’s future if you can. Spirits be with you. _

 

**_Saturday 9:30 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769_** **_to LoserfortheSquish8742_**

**_Spirits are with both you and your family._ **

 

* * *

 

_ Saturday 12:01 p.m _

_ Anon9467 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_ So a friend requested that I talk to you since you’ve been on the site for a good amount of time. It's not really advice but I really just need some questions answered. _

 

**_Sunday 10:30 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769_** **_to Anon9467_**

**_Sure, what kind of questions do you have? Sorry, that took so long._ **

 

_ Sunday 10:30 a.m _

_ Anon9467 to Calibratingmaster3769  _

_ It's okay, I read the top part of your log. _

_ I’ve been in a relationship with an Asari for about almost a year now. She’s great and my folks really seem to like her and all.  _

_ The problem is that we’ve been fighting for a quite a while and it's not like cute arguing it's like the neighbors have called C-sec on us a few times. _

_ We’ve mostly been fighting about small things like finance, The war and our duties. She’s a soldier who is thinking about going to the front lines to fight with her half sister who’s father is in the Alliance. She wants me to quit my job and join the fighting so I can come with her. Even though I told her the personal reasons on why I left and don't plan on joining. _

_ Its caused a great strain on our relationship. _

_ I work at a dextro and levo friendly restaurant and we have this new girl who came to us about four months ago and she was assigned as my levo partner. I make the dextro orders at our stacion while she makes the levo orders. _

_ She and I quickly became friends due to our similar interests and complementing personalities.  _

_ We’ve been friends for five months, and I think i'm falling for her. _

_ She’s just so nice and fun to be around, when I see and talk to her all of my fights with my girlfriend just disappear. _

_ It's like she makes everything better you know, like the world could go to hell and you wouldn't even notice. _

_ I’ve told her about my girlfriend and what's going on, she's been very supportive. Saying that well be happy again and that it's just a phase, but I’ve been thinking of leaving my current girlfriend and going after my co-worker. _

_ So… what do you think I should do? _

 

**_Sunday 10:45 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769_** **_to Anon9467_**

**_Hmmm...Im a little torn to be honest._ **

**_Your current girlfriend sounds like she doesn't really care about what you want. Sure the war needs all the effort it can take but it's not like we're drafting. Has she always been like this?_ **

 

_ Sunday 10:50 a.m _

_ Anon9467 to Calibratingmaster3769  _

_ Kind of, she and I only hooked up due to influences of a few friends. To be honest we were really going on physical attraction. _

 

**_Sunday 10:55 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769_** **_to Anon9467_**

**_I see, well I don't think you should rush the relationship with your friend. At least until you can figure out if she likes you back and if your feeling are genuine instead of just looking for an out after a bad one._ **

**_Though due to personal experience, I think you might be. Still, just to be safe I think you should decide if you want to stay or leave. In the end it is your choice._ **

 

_ Sunday 10:55 a.m _

_ Anon9467 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_ I understand I’ll reflect on the advice you’ve given me. Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to speak with me. I appreciate it very much, may the spirits guide and protect you as you fight for the future of our galaxy. _

 

**_Sunday 10:59 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769 to Anon9467_ **

**_May they guide you as well through your confusing and troubling time._ **

* * *

 

_ Monday 1:45 a.m _

_ Defenderofthepeace9134 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_ Can someone please tell me how to have sex with a human?! Their so freaking different from Asari I have no idea what i'm doing! _

 

**_Monday 1:45 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769 to Defenderofthepeace9134_ **

**_Depends, how desperate are you on a scale of 1/6?_ **

 

_ Monday 1:46 a.m _

_ Defenderofthepeace9134 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_ 11! _

 

**_Monday 1:46 a.m_ **

**_Calibratingmaster3769 to Defenderofthepeace9134_ **

**_Okay you might want to copy and paste this, it's gonna be long:_ **

**_-Lets first get rid of any knowledge you have of being with Asari, that knowledge will not help you._ **

 

**_-Asari mind meld, they don't have penetrative sex because they lack certain nerves that makes female humans enjoy it. Like a clit or g-spot, the latter should be familiar as turian women have them as well. The clit is under a hood at the top of the “lips”. My girl says that its a bundle of nerves that if touched under the right pressure feels like soft lightning going through your body. So you better learn how to use your tongue, it will come in handy._ **

 

**_-Speaking of your tongue, I would recommend tracing the human alphabet with it. That gets my girl screaming, her favorite letters are S and Z._ **

 

**_-If your human is flexible, like mine, get creative. Humans are way more flexible compared to turian women. They even have a name for complicated yet stimulating sex positions, they're called “Kamasutra”. My baby's favorite position is called the "Pieces" , its really fun._ **

**_-Different women have different things that get them going. Some like it rough some like it gentle. Some want you to stick it in both their holes while another might kick you out the room due to an accident where you genuinely slipped out of excitement. Either way, finding out what your human likes make bedroom and sexy time even more enjoyable._ **

 

**_-Going of off experience, try to rub that g-spot with your manhood and the clit between your finger before she climaxes. My girl is a blubbering mess when I use that technique._ **

 

**_-Lastly, be careful with the talons. Humans aren't tough skinned like Asari so they break easily._ **

 

**_Sorry if its not alot to go on, I mostly got this information from experience and from others. Still, it's useful, give it try and use this list responsibly._ **

* * *

 

“Garrus”?

The swooshing of the doors opening quickly alerted said Turian. Who quickly spun around hiding the terminal behind his back.

 

“S-Sonia, what are you doing up”?He stuttered, thumbing for the scroller to quickly ex out of the chatroom behind his back. Sonia, oblivious to his state of fluster, sauntered over to him in her loose tank and black panties.

 

“I noticed you were out of bed, so I came down to check on you. You okay”? She asked, true concern written over her face. She pressed her breasts awkwardly onto the front his carapace as she wrapped her arms a little above his waist.

 

“I'm fine, just uh...doing some late night Calibrations”. Garrus lied, wrapping one arm around his love while the other was still trying to find the scroller. Though strangely, it was on his left side and he was trying to reach with his right. Sonia easily took notice at the small jerking movement of Garrus trying to subtly shift them over.

 

“Are you hiding something”? Her eyes were narrowed with a series voice, her Commander Shepard voice. 

 

Garrus stiffened “N-No, I'm just trying to find a good position. You know how Turians aren't meant for cuddling”. He chuckled hoping to throw her off. 

 

“Your lying. What are you hiding back there”? Sonia tried to look over her lover’s shoulder. Garrus straightened up to block her view, using the opportunity to brush his fingers up against the round scroller embedded in the console. 

 

“It's nothing Sonia really go back to bed, I'll be up there in a minute”. He gently urged.

Sonia raised a brow at her lover, lower lip poked out in suspicion.

 

“Are you...doing what I think you're doing”.

 

Garrus gulped, if Turians could sweat a bead of it would be rolling down his face. 

 

“W-what do you think I'm-”?

 

“Your watching porn down here aren't you”? 

 

Garuss blinked, a pregnant pause filling the room. He couldn't tell if this was a trick or if his Commander was dead serious. Nonetheless, it was an opportunity and he was going to take it.

 

“...Y-Yes”.

 

“Oh, Gar-Bear” Sonia sighed, pushing off her man she rested her hands on her hip looking at him with a smirk. “If you wanted privacy all you had to do was say so”. She cooed, turning on her heel she walked out the Battery. Making sure to give her hips a little sway. 

“See you back upstairs big guy, don't be too long okay”. She waved with the door closing behind her.

 

Garrus breathed a sigh of relief when the mechanical doors slid closed behind her. He quickly turned back to the terminal to see that he received a new message.

* * *

  
  


_ Monday 10:20 p.m _

_ (Private chat)Calibrater’sgirl0821 to Calibratingmaster3769 _

_ I wouldn't mind a round four when you're done with you “Calibrating”. _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> In honor of those who saw the first work and gave me the idea. I hope you guys liked~.
> 
> (About the Asari guy, I mixed in my own headcanons about the Asari in this story. I really don't think they have penetrative sex I mean the reproduce with their mind there is no need for it. So they don't have a clit or a G-spot nor do they have sensitive erogenous zones, so you suck on those nipples you won't really get a reaction.  
> But they do have a birth canal to give birth to their young.)
> 
> (And yes Garrus accidentally went into Sonia's other hole during coitus .)


End file.
